Is it ever happening to you that, you are strenuous for something, but you think of it sometimes and let it be as it is? You have a strong desire for that, but just for some reason or anything you can’t get it. It happens to me lot of time. When I try to speak someone else, it happens. When I need some help, it happens. When I think about it,it happens. When I suppose to do something better,it happens again and again.
I think it is our mentality that conflict us for that. It puts negativity in mind. We don’t think right. And just for that we can’t do right. We just do, but don’t know what we’re doing exactly. Without aim. Confused. Negativity of mind makes us to feel like we can’t get it. And we believe it. Even sometime I believe it that I can’t get it anyway. But I know that it is not that I don’t want it, but my mind is boredom of it. It can’t think further. It exhausts. Then I try to positive. Pray for good. Think good. Try to be good. Say it to don’t frown about it. And put myself to prepare for that. But still don’t get satisfaction. Mind over think. And time just passes away. You can’t use your time for some other works and just sit and think of it like it will cure by it. But all in vain. Total waste of time. Only confusion of thoughts.
It happens to me a lot. I think it happens to all of us.
Someone said that great minds don’t have time for that kind of shits. They just focus on their goals. And I and we all are wanting to do it properly. But still it happens to us. Why? Because we are timid. Because we don’t desire result the failure of it. Because we are normal human being. We think of us,our respect,our environment. If something is going to hesitate it, we don’t like it. So without arrogance we leave it that it will not going to happen with me. I have no strengthen for it. Maktub(Arabic word – means “it is written”).
Let not to be a great mind. Let first be a simple mind. That think of simple things to change their simple world. And I think it should be appreciated. By this simple mind one day we can make a better mind and by this better mind who knows one day we will be great mind. It will long process and thinking about it will make you think it will not happen and make you again simple mind. But bask in the morning like you want is not easy anyway. For that you must pump yourself with positive aspires. Else world is immense and full of people better than you. If you don’t do it some other will do it. You are just sitting and wasting time to think of shit things. And again confused.
Some days, or more precisely nights, all I could do is waiting.
And I’m not sure for what am I waiting, and I don’t know if I will ever stop this pacing, but I don’t feel like doing anything but waiting!
And I sit there, comb in my hair, wondering why I’m so tired, and I realize.
Because I have nothing, and I can own everything, but I can’t, because I’m stopping myself, or other people stoping me?
I don’t know, and that’s why I’m so tired, because I’m confused, and my thoughts go on and on, and on.
And I like it some days, because my thoughts never stay on topic, and I’m confused, and I can forget my pain.
But I can’t!
I can’t because my thought are clouded by pain, and by memories, and they’re covered with it, and….and…..
And they hurt, but it’s a confusing hurt. Confusing as in I can’t understand it. And that makes it so much better.
I don’t want to think, but if my thoughts are a blur, it’s okay cause all I’m seeing is colours, and colours are okay, because I can’t tell what the images are.
But when the blurring, and the slurring, and the confusion stops. And I look.
I look around, and realize how much I’m hiding from.
And I want to be confused again.
So I turn on my music, blast it on a volume not existent to others.
I can’t sing to this song though, because it’s too different. And that’s what I want,
But still I am confused, am I only one who confused?
I don’t wanna be confused…